Allen Schreiber

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Nov. 15th, 2009

[Filtered to Niflheim]

I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I'm itching to do something against Asgard. Not anything too drastic, but something to show that we're never harmless.

Has anyone hacked Doughnut's entry?

Public

Hey all!

Oct. 29th, 2009

Boobs, titties, knockers, fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck.

Wow! Is this supposed to be they day that we talk like perverts? But, why is nobody talking like I am?

I rather enjoy the warmth of a woman in my bed. Why I admitted that, I have no idea, but I think you fuckers would know that by now.

Tags: freudian slip day, malfunction day

Sep. 23rd, 2009

Yesterday was weird; being the child of two parents actually brings back memories.

Humans are funny, sometimes they worship us demons in the most ridiculous of ways. Hey, Belle, remember when that one ancient cult kept worshiping us as mother and child?

Damn, that was a fucking laugh.

Sep. 8th, 2009

I won't lie, I miss everyone that left. Without them, who's going to be my new mental bitch? Someone that will make vague, empty threats when I piss them off?

I only regret that I didn't get to hurt those who left.

Oh, sorrow!

Aug. 26th, 2009

Dear Allen;

I den don gettum heram and see no of dem 72 virgins. Where kai heel mah damn virgins?

- I ken a nat speak no gandamn English

Dear IKANSNGE;

There are virgins here, but they are attracted to smart people. Go back and get your highschool education at the very least.

Dear Allen;

ROAR I AM A DRAGON! I EAT PEOPLE LIKE FRIES! OM NOM NOM! WHERE KETCHUP?!

- Puff the Magic Dragon

Dear PtMD;

Eating humans is not part of a healthy diet. I hear that gold is a great source of nutrition.

Damn, only two letters this time around? That just sucks!

Tags: bad advice

Aug. 24th, 2009

WIN DA DRUM KIT!

I WANNA WITH DA DRUM KIT!

And I wanna make stock pics with all the cool kids!

Oh, I found Sal's ashes, and snorted them!

[OOC: Lulz, no he didn't.]

Tags: journal ads, malfunction day

Posted at 01:00 am | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

Aug. 10th, 2009

DINOSAURS!

IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE SEEN ONE!

I'M SO HITCHING A RIDE ON ONE!!!

Jul. 29th, 2009

I won't even cover up yesterdays actions. For those who never believed that I was actually a holy angel, go ahead and remember yesterday. Yes, my name WAS once Melekiel, and I have all but abandoned that name.

By the way, some of you asgardians were VERY mean! Blythe threatening to kill everyone, Alessa wanting to destroy everything with fire. Tsk tsk.

Jul. 25th, 2009

This isn't right. I wonder what I am doing here working for Lucifer. Does God not know that I cannot stand him? I can only guess that the God of all has a plan for all of this. As one of His holy angels I will do my best to oblige this plan.

Tags: malfunction day

Jul. 23rd, 2009

Oh boy! I'm feeling creative too!

Okay, so in the picture, Bagel and I have just got done slaughtering Came, and now Nithe has found the body, and is crying! Poor Bl-err I mean Nithe!

And Bagel and I are so in love!

Jul. 9th, 2009

I've been in this realm for a year now, give or take. Sometimes I wonder what's going on back at home. I used to have this girlfriend, her name was Rachel. I say "was" because I'm pretty sure she was killed.

How terribly sad.

In other news! I found a brand new batch of kittens, and adopted them. I have named them Skittles, Frisky, Cookie, Tum Tum, and Timothy. Don't touch my pussies. Only I can. I love my pussies.

Jun. 14th, 2009

Dear Allen,

We had to participate in a trial of strength, but we failed horribly. How can we learn from this situation and beat our opponents next time?

- C.areless U.seless N.egligent T.errible S.ufferers

Dear C.U.N.T.S,

Next time your opponents brag that they can beat you take them seriously, and TRAIN. I have this feeling that you didn't take your opponents seriously and decided to have tea parties, and orgies.

- Allen

[Filtered to Niflheim]

Am I the only one happy that we beat them?

Jun. 4th, 2009

Kain seems to believe that I lack basic reading comprehension, and that I'm either brain damaged, or retarded. Fellow Niflheimers! What do you make of this?

Niflheim seems ready to run it's mouth. Perhaps the fact that we don't feel the need to continually shout our superiority out for everyone to hear, as though we have something to prove, says a great deal about us.

In your opinion, is Kain talking about

A: His penis size compared to other men's penis size?

B: That he really really loves jazz music?

C: That because he and the Asgardian's aren't boasting, that in and of itself is a sure sign that Asgard is going to win.

I'm going with C, but Kain tells me I'm wrong. So that leaves only A and B.

May. 30th, 2009

Hey, guys! I've been training for the fight!

Oh doth the black suit walketh fro
and with metaphor abound to throw
He scarily would choose noteth fall
Instead maketh victory his all
And doth would the maidens scream
and their panties they would cream
And all the men would adore
that sexy man who is no bore.

May. 23rd, 2009

Hoo hoo hooooo!

I don't know about the rest of you boys and girls but, I for one cannot wait for this trial! ~~FINALLY!~~

[Niflheim]

Show of hands. Who wants me to beat Vader to death?

May. 17th, 2009

I'm amazed at how many pussies we've got around here. It's actually pretty fucking sad.

[Filtered to Niflheim]

You see, while a certain couple of people have been much too busy being passive, I actually went active. Let's just say I haven't had that good of a fight in several months.

Psst! You guys want to hear a secret?

Sorry, some of you don't deserve to know.

[Filtered to Sal]

You still like things to go boom boom?

May. 12th, 2009

[Filtered to Midvalley, Reno, and Yako]

Hear me out. We got off on a wrong foot and I want to change that. Obviously we're not going to win by opposing each other. So, I'd like to make a suggestion. The four of us meet sometime tomorrow. We can discuss our respective talents and, I'll see what I can do to help you put those talents to use.

I would like us to meet tomorrow at 3pm in the media room. I know I'll be there. The three of you better be there as well. I mean it.

[Filtered to Sal]

Turns out Spug's going to turn out to be pretty useful. Turns out the boy can, get this, talk to machines. I'm implementing his talents here. Full report when all is done Oreo!

May. 9th, 2009

Hoo, it's been a long time since I've given some helpful advice.

Dear Allen;

My lover was severely beaten by this ahh, guy, and now he won't have sex with me. I have tried everything but he tells me that his ahh, manpride has been greatly reduced. What can I do to help him?

- Horny and Hot Blind Chick

Dear HaHBC;

This is a problem. My suggestion is for you to find another attractive woman and convince him to have a threesome with you two! This will turn him on! Trust me!

- Allen

Dear Allen;

I HAVE RAGE!!! RAAAGE!! I AM COMPENSATING FOR BEING A WEAKLING!!! ROAR!!!

- Niflheim's bitch.

Dear NB;

So, translation? "Mew! MEW MEW MEW MEW!~!!!!!!" I'm sorry. I can't help you.

Dear Allen;

I am a warrior of God! I think everyone should follow my religion, but instead they mock God and his laws! I have thought about stoning them but I want to know how I can go about doing this.

- Blessed Bastard of God

Dear BBoG;

I hear guns are much more efficient. I'm sure Sal could help you! First listen; shooting yourself 101

-Allen

Dear Allen;

My preciousss! We wants our precious! We will gets back our precious! You tell us where eet is, yesss?

- Tollum

Dear Tollum;

I told you already! I shoved your precious up my ass! Now let it go!

-Allen

Dear Allen;

I'm a marshmallow and I am full of love and sunshine! WEEE!!! FLOWERS AND HEARTS FOR ALL! I LOVE EVERYONE!! <3

- Fruity Gelna

Dear Fruity Gelna;

Ummm...maybe you should lay off the LSD? Just a suggestion.

Dear Allen;

:|

- :|

Dear :|

<(^+^)^

May. 8th, 2009

Private to Sal

Reno's really pissing me off. You know me Oreo; I never get pissed off.

I have a plan to deal with him but, if by some chance it doesn't work, you love causing explosions anyway don't you?

May. 5th, 2009

Oh man am I ever upset! First off I didn't get any of you fine chicks to marry me. You can't even begin to imagine how much that hurt!

And Sally! You said you'd visit me and you didn't! It's okay though! I still thought about you.

And now Pancake is yelling at me! What's wrong Pizza? You need a big strong man to protect you? You're not gay are you?

Oh! Kain! I heard that you like pussy! Do you like wet pussy? Because I'm getting some wet pussy at the lake!

Hey Kamina!

[TEXT PORTION ONLY]

I heard you're illiterate. Did you know that illiteracy greatly decreases the value of life?

[END TEXT ONLY]

( Private to Morana )

( Private to Reno )

( Mitch )

[Filtered to Niflheim]

Someone please tell me that I'm not the only one who's noticed that, for a bunch of evil demented people we HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO KILL ANYONE.

Is there a reason why we haven't just slaughtered Asgard yet? They have members who don't know how to do shit and one of them looks like he'll turn to dust if you so much as sneeze on him!

ETA TO CLARIFY SOME THINGS!

I'm not complaining about you fuckers not killing anyone. I just want to why WHY we can't seem to do it.

Apr. 27th, 2009

( Private )

[Filtered to any female over the age of 18]

I was exploring Emptiness just today and, it suddenly dawned on me that I would have a better time exploring with a companion. Would any of you wonderful ladies care to join me?

Now, this doesn't apply if you're already 'taken' as they say.

Apr. 14th, 2009

Filtered to Niflheim

I've noticed that quite a few of you are just a little buddy buddy with some of the members of Asgard. I think this is great! It gives you the chance to better understand Asgard, and what makes them tick; their strengths and weaknesses. But here's the problem: You can't get too attached them. Oh sure you might think that they're so adorable, and so friendly, and all that shit. Let me tell you, they are nothing more than weak little babies who must rely on Metacock for their strength.

Just look at that angel's recent post. He coddles them like they were a bunch of babies, and that's because they are! A truly strong warrior wouldn't need head pats and sugar words from their leader.

Keep in contact with Asgard, but when the time comes to eliminate them you must do it. This is a war and in wars there will always be times in which you must kill your 'friends'. It's a fact of life. Don't be so sad; I'm not! I've seen it more times than I care to count.

And if you don't want to kill your friends? If you become too weak willed or cowardly? You would be wise to start wishing that you were never born.

Mar. 30th, 2009

Voice post

Irr notished thaht wee bee shpeaking rahther strahngley uuhs notished!

Top O thee mornang to ye eeveryone!

Tags: exagerated accents, malfunction day

Mar. 22nd, 2009

Aww, Gabriel's gone!

WILD MAN SAYS "ALWAYS TAKE A BREAK EVERY 20 MINUTES WHILE ON THE COMPUTER!"

Everyone knows that you take a break every two hours! Duh!

WILD MAN SAYS "DON'T BE A SMART ASS"

You like fire, Wild Man?

WILD MAN SAYS "NEVER PLAY WITH MATCHES OR LIGHTERS"

I don't hav-

WILD MAN SAYS "ALWAYS MAKE UP YOUR BED EVERY MORNING!"

But I fuck in it!

"WILD MAN RESPECTS THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE BEFORE SEX!"

That's not very wild.

"WILD MAN ALWAYS OBEYS THE RULES!

WILD MAN NEVER DISRESPECTS A LADY!

WILD MAN ALWAYS EATS HIS VEGETABLES!

Mar. 20th, 2009

...Gabriel? Ha, ha, you're so tiny!

I wouldn't be doing that Flauros.

But, you're tiny and cute, and hee hee ~~my own minuter almost-Blythe to play with!~~

What was that brother?

You're going to be a pain in the ass aren't you, sis?

Do NOT take that language with me!

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck, shit shitty shit shit, damn everyone to hell and fuck their corpses!

God, give me the strength to not harm this idiot.</s>

Tags: malfuction day

Mar. 15th, 2009

Boy am I bored! All that fanfiction last week inspired me to write my own, so I wrote some! Please read and review, if not i will crai, I olso liek constrictive criticism but no flaems please!!!1111

Okay, here's my story.

1 day Blith was sitting in the garden and singing. "Golly gosh it's such a beautiful day!" She stood up, and started to dance, but litle did she know that he was beeing wotched by someone! Suntendly Brandee bounced into the garden, and she sid "OMG BLITH LET'S HAVE LESBIAN SEX!!!1111" and Blithy was like "NOOO! FUCK YOU BITCH!" and she killed bRandYYY by stabbing her with a stick!

Then out of nowhere Metatron appeered and went "NUUU, BRANDY!! U WERE MY FAVEST PERSON OF ALL TIME!!! Baaaaawwwwww!!!" and Lucifer appeared, and said, "there there. com lettus have comfort sex, and I will heal you with the power of sex."

Then Assela became angery, and she roared, and then EEVRYBODY DIED!

The end.

OMG was that not awesome?

( Private to Sal/Not Hackable )

Mar. 5th, 2009

Hot damn, I might just love this day!

( Because really now. )

Feb. 28th, 2009

Dear Allen;

I like to shop but nobody will go with me. That makes me very sad! Allen, how can I help Asgard when none of them will let me give them makeovers?

- Red Headed Slut.

Dear RHS;

Unfortunately a lot of people are extremely uptight, and have sticks shoved up their asses. You're only hope is to pull out these sticks.

- Allen.

Dear Allen;

I uhh. I feel useless. Uhh. Well, you see umm. I'm an old man.

- Old Man

Dear Old Man;

Perhaps you could bore people with stories of your childhood. Tell them stories about the Civil War.

- Allen

Dear Allen;

I find it hard to breathe, and as a result I find that I am much more of a bitch than usual. Ahhh, help?

- Sight Challenged member of the Female Species

Dear SCMotFS;

Try loosening up your corset. That will help you a lot.

- Allen

Dear Allen;

Hey I try to give pep talks all the time, but I don't think they're working! Help!

-Blue Haired Weirdo

Dear BHW;

Stop giving stupid speeches, and make out with Lina.

Tags: crappy advice

Feb. 18th, 2009

I'm feeling...I don't want to do this.

Gather around boys and girls, because for today only Flauros is going to speak the truth. I didn't lie when I said that I can tell the truth of all things past, present, and future. There are certain requirements though, and I would...recommend them, because when the conjurer fucks up the spell I get to kill them!

Law of the Heavenly order. It's ordained by God, didn't you know? I wonder if any of you knew that God loves to use evil spirits to do His work. I still remember the time when God wanted someone to entice Ahab to go attack Ramoth Gilead, and die. I remember how He sent one of us to be a lying spirit in all of his prophets.

I remember, because that spirit was me!

Tags: malfunction day

Feb. 13th, 2009

Th-the ffffire over in A-asgard! It's bbbbright!! S-sso many people bbeing s-sc-scared! F-first Metatron s-ssick and n-now Asgard b-burning!!

[ooc: Same deal as with Alessa.]

Tags: malfunction day

Feb. 9th, 2009

You wouldn't believe me if I told you that the original plan for mankind was to let them do nearly whatever they wanted.

See, God says "Don't eat from that tree" and what happens? They eat from that tree. You know why most of you are miserable? It's because nearly 6,000 years ago a woman named Eve and a man named Adam ate from the tree, and they gained the knowledge of misery.

And wanna know who set the whole thing up? It was the Serpent, the angel called Lucifer (not the one here) aka Raziel.

[ooc: In another rare moment there is only one part of this that's a blatant lie; the rest is true for the most part.]

Feb. 3rd, 2009

( Private//Unhackable )

I just love all the new arrivals!

Does anyone want to be my friend? I'm so sad and lonely.

[Filtered against Blythe, Kain, and Alessa]

Really, I am. Please be my friend! I have a fun game that we can play!

Jan. 26th, 2009

I'm so lighting these fuckers up. Who wants barbeque zombie?

[AN: The rare time he speaks the truth. Flauros will be in Emptiness making it rain fire on any zombies within a ten foot radius from him.]

Jan. 19th, 2009

I just had a nightmare last night.

I was somewhere, don't really know where, but I was sitting down in this chair; eating cake.

Then Blythe came in, and started doing a strip tease! Which was hot, but then that one chick...Maria. She came in and started spouting off Bible verses about how looking at hot women was wrong! Then her and Blythe started making out; right in front of me!

I don't think I'll be able to sleep after that!

Jan. 16th, 2009

( Notes on the Niflheimers )

( Notes on the Asgardians )

Jan. 10th, 2009

Dear Allen;

My boyfriend and I engaged in bondage, and even though we had fun, I feel so guilty about it. Tee hee. What should I do?

- Naughty whip Girl

Dear Naughty whip Girl;

You should embrace this new side of yourself; and go into even deeper levels of BDSM. It will turn your boyfriend on!

Dear Allen;

Me horny; me love you long time.

- Bicycle

Dear Bicycle;

Ummm, I'm not into that stuff.

Dear Allen;

The gun goes click;
The gun goes click;
The gun goes...

- Judas Rising

Dear Judas Rising;

Umm, that's nice. Maybe you should put those guns to more active use. I hear that shooting puppies is all the rage.

Jan. 8th, 2009

Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so;
Little ones to Him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jan. 1st, 2009

You! I gave so many of you books! Advice books, and how am I repaid? You...BURN THEM, or or DON'T USE THEM!

I worked HARD writing those god-damn books. I mean, okay, maybe I was a little mean, but Lord knows you need the advice!

And Blythe...I worked for a month writing that book in Braille! The least you could have done was given it back, or spanked me with it!

~~Satan, that sounds hot.~~

And Misa, do you honestly know 101 ways to kill yourself? I bet you didn't know that you can dry drown yourself.

Dec. 1st, 2008

I KNOW WHAT MISA'S CAKES TASTE LIKE!

Aug. 9th, 2008

Light, baby? You really should take a bath. You smell like shit! And, Light I hope you don't mind, but I gave one of your outfits to one of those hot wenches in Asgard.

[ooc: Lulz, he didn't]

Jul. 30th, 2008

Ooh, well isn't this delightful!

I do believe I shall be roaming to and fro viewing all your happy memories.

This is just fucking brilliant!

Who wants to see some fire porn, kiddies??

Posted at 01:30 am | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

Jul. 25th, 2008

Everybody! I, Allen Schreiber have an announcement to make!

I am absolutely in love with my roommate, Light, or as I so affectionately call him 'Sunshine' or 'Sunny Boy'.

I've dedicated this song to him!

( Cut, because the lyrics are kind of gory )

Jul. 23rd, 2008

My dearest roommate, Sunshine has not been here in quite a long time. His poor cats have gone unfed for quite sometime, and last night I witnessed something truly speculator. The two kitten entered into a fight to the death. It seemed as if both would perish, but finally one emerged the victor. He delighted in eating his victory feast, his sibling.

Incest cannibalism. Gotta love it!

((ooc: I should note that what Flauros just wrote was complete and utter bullshit. No kitten were actually killed.))

Jul. 16th, 2008

Asgaurd get's earthquakes and we don't? Color me disappointed, people.

Allen Schreiber - Flauros

November 2009

Tags

Page Summary

Syndicate

Nov. 15th, 2009

Oct. 29th, 2009

Sep. 23rd, 2009

Sep. 8th, 2009

Aug. 26th, 2009

Aug. 24th, 2009

Aug. 10th, 2009

Jul. 29th, 2009

Jul. 25th, 2009

Jul. 23rd, 2009

Jul. 9th, 2009

Jun. 14th, 2009

Jun. 4th, 2009

May. 30th, 2009

May. 23rd, 2009

May. 17th, 2009

May. 12th, 2009

May. 9th, 2009

May. 8th, 2009

Private to Sal

May. 5th, 2009

Apr. 27th, 2009

Apr. 14th, 2009

Filtered to Niflheim

Mar. 30th, 2009

Voice post

Mar. 22nd, 2009

Mar. 20th, 2009

Mar. 15th, 2009

Mar. 5th, 2009

Feb. 28th, 2009

Feb. 18th, 2009

Feb. 13th, 2009

Feb. 9th, 2009

Feb. 3rd, 2009

Jan. 26th, 2009

Jan. 19th, 2009

Jan. 16th, 2009

Jan. 10th, 2009

Jan. 8th, 2009

Jan. 1st, 2009

Dec. 1st, 2008

Aug. 9th, 2008

Jul. 30th, 2008

Jul. 25th, 2008

Jul. 23rd, 2008

Jul. 16th, 2008